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You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

I don't even know where to begin.. I find it hard to even start this entry. 

About two weeks ago on a Wednesday evening I had some serious pain mid chest.. I mean pain that took my breath away. This wasn't the first time I had felt this either. About a month ago I got the same pain, but it went away and I didn't experience it again till now. The next morning came and the pain was still on and off. I thought maybe I had a serious case of reflux. So I called my doctor and told them the situation, my doctor wasn't in that day so they got me in with the APRN. She wasn't hesitant on telling me we needed to rule out any chance of this being a "reoccurrence" of my cancer. Only because I've been having that pain in my chest off and on, some difficulty breathing for the past few months, fatigue, and night sweats. All the familiar things from my prior cancer (I thought all of that was just from the recovery of chemo and I was even told it was)... So she told me she was going to have me get a stat CT Scan and a whole blood work up. I went for the CT Scan Friday/the next day (on Jamie's Birthday actually, Logan and him went with me to the scan, what a birthday celebration).. Last year on his Birthday we actually got the results from my First CT Scan of my chest (we had known about the cancer already at that point back then) which had shown I had the largest cancerous lymph node near my heart. How crazy a year later I'm getting another chest scan.. So about an hour after the CT Scan (we were having lunch) my phone rings and it's the APRN with my results. She explained they found a new mass near my thymus gland. Something that wasn't in the February Pet Scan she explained, which that scan in February confirmed I was 100% cancer free.  She continued to explained this could just be my body healing. It is actually common for your thymus gland to swell after having chemotherapy and it can show up on a CT Scan, but she wasn't certain of course and sent everything over to my oncologist. I called my oncologists office and he was on vacation till that following Wednesday for the 4th of July. Ugh, talk about having to have patience. One thing that you must have A LOT of when it comes to things like this. You do A LOT of waiting. So we had the whole weekend to wait some more, we had our "Life Celebration/6 Month Cancer free party that Saturday.. Oh the irony.... And man it was hard to not say anything to anyone, but we simply didn't know what was going to happen. It could of turned out to be nothing.  So fast forward and Wednesday came! Man was I so happy to see my Oncologist. He explained to us that this, like I said before, is a common thing that happens to people after chemotherapy. Usually the thymus gland isn't detectable as adults (it shrinks as we get older) but sometimes after chemo (since that gland is involved in the immune system) it can enlarge. The CT Scan couldn't really detect if it was my gland enlarged or an actual tumor. My oncologist told me every situation he had like this always turned out to be the "Thymus Rebound" which is just inflammation of the thymus and that it would just go away on it's on. But to reassure that's what it was, he ordered a Pet Scan and they got me in thankfully the next day at 8AM (luckily no waiting for that.)  More injections, this time with radioactive dye, oh that contrast dye they put in your vein for the CT Scan was HORRIBLE! I got the worst hot flash and felt like I was peeing my pants (while having to hold completely still as there scanning me) for some reason the contrast dye makes you feel that way, the nurse even said you'll feel like your peeing yourself lol. It also made my heart race. Not fun. For the Pet Scan though, that radioactive dye doesn't bother me. You do have to carry around a card with you for a day after though because you could set off nuclear detectors (which I didn't know police have and scan for that now, sad.) And if you plan on going to the airport be prepared to get taken aside because you'll set off the detectors lol. Anyway after being injected with the radioactive dye for the Pet Scan, you wait in a room for an hour before the scan. Just so it moves through your entire body.  So we got the scan this past Thursday and yesterday around 3pm I recognized the number coming across my phone.. I new it was my Oncologist calling with the results.  I was home, Logan was peacefully taking his afternoon nap. I walked into the bedroom and sat on my side of the bed (same place I sat on June 15th 2015 as the ENT called us with the news I had cancer.) My Oncologist said, do you have a few minutes to talk? Same thing he said to me a year ago with my CT Scan results (on Jamie's Birthday.) He explained that there was a lot of activity in my chest were this mass was. That it lit up all around. There's an actual mass about the size of a plum he said. This grew fast because as of February I had nothing in my body. He said he has already contacted our corresponding doctors up at Dana Farber to just get their opinion. The biopsy of this isn't as easy as my neck one was that I had done in out patient surgery with local anesthetic. This biopsy I would have to actually have a operation due to it's location. So now we PATIENTLY, wait..... We should hear back early next week as to what the next step is. We will be doing a biopsy no matter what, so it's just a matter of when.   We got this, no matter what it is. One day at a time. One thing at a time. There's something new to be learned from this. I've fought cancer while pregnant, I sure as shit can fight it not pregnant if I need to. #TeamChasse 


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