The scariest part of treatment is just worrying about our son. As I watch seven medications pump through my body I just can't help but feel worried about it. Though we have amazing doctors that are very cautiously watching over him and I. Our son has been a fighter though, right along side his Mommy. Every time during treatment or a procedure he kicks so strong/continuously moves or when my mind starts to wonder off in worry he kicks to let me know he's right there. Literally, it's like he knows when I start over thinking, he can sense it, so he reminds me how strong he is and that he's fighting this battle right beside us.
This has been the best months and also the not so best months of my life. Talk about both ends of the spectrum. But with each day, each thought of becoming parents and cancer free, brings us through to the next day, it carries us on. It gives me Hope. I'm enjoying every moment of my pregnancy despite my situation. Chances are low, but there is still a chance I could not be able to conceive another child after chemo. It's just one of the things that "could" happen, but if that were the case I want to make sure I soak up every single ounce of my pregnancy now and not let cancer take anything more from me. Like I stated before, in the beginning; Cancer doesn't define me, it is only a chapter in my life. I WILL persevere.
Above all I keep my gratefulness and positivity! That's what gets me through. That's what I believe is helping me through each treatment and having my husband by my side every step of the way. On top of the enormous amount of prayers, love and support from you all. I thank you all for reaching out, sending cards, messages, thoughtful gifts, I can't even express my gratitude in words. It just makes my heart so full. We are very grateful, please know.
So as for my second round of chemotherapy, it went pretty smooth. Jamie is right by my side through it all, won't miss an appointment or treatment, I'm so thankful for such a great, strong, healthy and loving husband.
I am no longer getting the the Benadryl through the IV since last time was a horrible experience with that! Lol.. So I just take over the counter Benadryl an hour prior to treatment so it's a way slower release (doctors orders). I still get my other prep meds (to prevent reactions to the chemo drugs) once I arrive at my treatment which is a steroid, nausea med, saline for fluids, then the Benadryl I take at home, so I'm still left feeling pretty tired and fatigue in the beginning of the treatment. After the prep meds I got my same dosage of my four chemo drugs, one running for two hours and the other three being pushed through by the nurse at the end. Taking twenty or so minutes for those. So we were finished in about three hours this time which was nice, last time was over five hours I believe!
Coming home this time I certainly feel a difference compared to the first round. As the nurse told me before as the chemo drugs build up in my system I will start to feel some more affects from them. Here it is, 12AM On Thursday and I can't sleep. My stomach feels sour, my legs are so restless, my head aches, I just feel uncomfortable all over to say the least, but this I can deal with. I have faith it won't get worse. It's just getting very overwhelming at some points though, needles, hospitals, appointments, dealing with insurance, all I can do is push on and know this is all meant for a higher purpose. This is only a passing journey. That we have the best reward coming soon, our son.
This Friday we have our extensive ultra sound of our baby's heart. Just to check for any abnormalities that can now be detected at his age. Our OBGYN assures us his heart is good and strong, that this is just precautionary and necessary to do. I'm hoping they will even give us a little glimpse of him in 3D/4D, but either way we will be booking an appointment for it! I'm so anxious to see his little facial features more clear. We've been fortunate enough that we have got to see him every two weeks and will continue seeing him more and more because of the situation. Makes for a little less worry to see him often and hear he's doing amazing and growing the way he should!
Next Thursday we take our first trip up to The Dana Farber Cancer Institute to finally meet with one of the doctors on my cancer team that had been working via phone with my Oncologist since Day One. We are excited and maybe a little nerves at the same time, but they are an amazing institute so it will be an experience. I will even have to chance to donate sample tissues/blood to there lymphoma research they extensively do there. To hopefully help them find out more answers to "blood cancers" in the distant future, it can even help with patients with Leukemia and along with Lymphomas line my own. Looking forward to helping others any way I can!
Quick update on this Thursday morning. Day after Chemo/Round Two. Feeling like I have the flu.. Body aches, headache, fatigue, some tears, but I'm not letting it keep me down! Gonna keep up the good fight. I have too many people cheering me on!