This post is a little lengthy just because I haven't gotten to update on the pregnancy in a while, which follows after my first update on Chemo below.
Chemo #6 is completed, that means I'm Officially, Half Way There!!! But it's not any more easier unfortunately. In fact it's getting more and more draining as I become more pregnant and further along in my dosages. Yester
day was exhausting (for both my husband and I) we were there for 4 PLUS hours. They had to stop my first (2 hour chemo drug) midway because I started to develop a bright red rash (reaction maybe) on my right arm. They pumped me full of fluids to rinse it through me and the redness went down eventually. Then we continued the round. They couldn't figure out why that happened. Other then that excitement it was just a long 4 or so hours of being pumped full of stuff, having to pee every 10 minutes or so, and feeling extremely uncomfortable in the chair, but Jamie (my husband) doesn't miss a single treatment and having him by my side is so comforting. It helps get me through. One of the many things on my mind lately, and it's a weird feeling to describe so I apologize if it becomes a little confusing or hard to follow, but I'll try. It's like though you see cancer out there in the world whether it be via social media, someone walking by you, or a family/friend you may know who's fighting the fight or has fought the fight, you just simply never expect to hear the words YOU have Cancer. No matter what. You think things like that just don't happen to "everyone" or yourself, but who is everyone else? We are all the same, none of us get excluded in these things that "could happen". We all get dealt things in life that will change us the moment they happen or make us work to change to follow a new path. It's how you choose to react to the things your dealt, that's the real game changer. It's just the strangest feeling I get now when I'm scrolling through Facebook and see another cancer survivor story or a story on someone fighting the fight or who may of lost there toughest battle. Now I can relate to those people who I've passed by, seen on social media, people I've heard of having cancer, it's just crazy how life changes in a blink of an eye and how your whole world just broadens that much more by being able to relate to more human beings, you somewhat break a bubble that you didn't even know existed. You truly and deeply realize we all may carry some kind of pain or struggle, but it is in how you handle it, how you see it being a positive or a negative, that makes you a Fighter, I feel the mind is the toughest obstacle and a Fighter, that no matter what life throughs at you, is someone who walks their path knowing they are truly never alone, that you will SURVIVE and come out STRONGER and WISER. That there were people before you that have been here and made it through. So will you. Pregnancy Update So many mixed emotions right now. I couldn't be more excited, more thankful, and more proud to become a Mother, but I am also nervous at the same time. I know once he's in my arms that will all melt away and I'm sure these are common emotions for many Mommy's-to-Be, especially in our situation. Our OBGYN told us last Monday that Baby Chasse is growing good and since we will be delivering him early he will just be on the smaller side which was expected, but as of now, in all he is on pretty good track for his weight! Still planning for a vaginal delivery, but our doctor also mentioned my situation can increase my chance of C-Section by like 30%. But hoping and crossing our fingers that won't have to be done, but if so we can cross that bridge when we get there and as long as he comes out healthy, either way I'm prepared to do whatever needs to be done. Baby C has been head down for over several weeks now and still is head down (he's been waiting patiently lol), boy is it heavy on my parts though! :/ Doctor said at this stage he will probably remain head down till induction so that is a good thing! I also was showing contractions on my Nonstress Test last Monday and this Monday even more, but not consistent enough to get excited over, plus we would prefer to keep him in as long a possible! This is very common they said (to show contractions at this point), but hopefully a good sign that induction will work well for me. I just can't help but feel scared for what may lie ahead for my cancer treatment after my delivery, that's were most of these nerves are steaming from. Meaning after Baby C is out they can really scope out my body for anything they could of missed (the MRI's only showed them so much) that's the fear. Hoping that the Pet Scan doesn't show anything more or change any course of treatment. I pray for continued strength to juggle a newborn and chemotherapy. Along with the change in hormones again! I know though with the love and support from my husband and family, it will all be ok. It's also going to be so weird having chemotherapy and my belly not going all crazy with Baby C bouncing around in there. At least I will know it's not reaching him in anyway, anymore. I guess there's just so much emotion in every spec of this situation right now, from being nervous of becoming a first time Mom, to one day soon becoming cancer free, I'm not sure where tomorrow may lead, but I'll be there. With a smile, with the heart of a fighter, and the will to conquer anything that may come my way.