Updated: Sep 24, 2020
The bitter truth.. I feel like a train has hit me. My body aches, I'm hot then freezing, my head pounds constantly and nothing relieves it, I have absolutely no appetite, I have the worst metallic taste in my mouth (caused by the chemo drugs, they can change your taste buds during the course of treatment which makes everything taste so different) making food taste like cardboard pretty much and leaving you not hungry at all. Im very weak, I'm losing my eyebrows and eyelashes now dammit lol they are very thin and sparse, my hair is also deciding to fall out even more after five months into treatment, but we can just cut that shorter for now ;) (it is the least of my concern, but it does add to the emotion of it all, it shows you even more what's going on INSIDE your body that cannot be seen), I have chemo flush this morning too, I get hot flashes horribly and have a wonderful rosiness to my face. Hey, I kind of look like I have a nice tan.. Lol My mood suffers greatly too like I've mentioned before, I get very down from some of the prep drugs I'm given, but luckily that wears off in the next few days!
My blood work I have drawn every week, two days prior to my chemo appointment which checks all my counts to make sure I can do my Wednesday treatment, showed my White Blood Cell count has lowered somewhat. It's not dangerously low and I am PRAYING it doesn't go any lower because if so they would have to stop my chemo until it came back up! Pushing my end date further back, that could possibly make me loose my cookies lol.. They can give me shots and I can also give myself shots at home if it got to that point, but hoping that won't even be an issue or a thought in our minds. I mean I JUST had a BABY for crying out loud! Lol Cesarean to top that off and a week after my body got slammed with another round of chemo, now another round yesterday, so it's to be expected I guess..
BUT in all, I woke up this morning. Healthy, despite all the other things mentioned, my son next to me in his bassinet, who relies on me to meet his needs, my husband who tells me he loves me as he kisses me goodbye before he leaves to bust his butt at work to make it all possible. I couldn't be more blessed, more grateful, more loved. So all those bad things I mentioned, there just temporary it doesn't define my entire life, just a passing moment, but all those good things I mentioned above, those are the things that will make those bad things seem possible to get through over and over because those good things will be hear long after all this is through, those are what help define my life.
Faith, Hope, and Love and the greatest of these is LOVE. Love endures all. It is something Cancer or any other issue that life may deal me or ever deal me to say the least, can't take away from me and my little family.
This too shall pass.