You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you WILL and WON'T accept.
Updated: Mar 23, 2022
Don’t ever sacrifice your peace trying to point out someone’s true colors. A lack of character always reveals itself in the end. Those who think their plates are fuller than the other and have no care for someone else’s own “fullness”, hurt, or feelings will do anything to play the victim or play innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth you stand in and the relationship THEY created over the years from being disrespectful to you and all the while consider themselves being the bullied one.
Just remember manipulators and self serving individuals HATE when you put up boundaries. And BOUNDARIES are what will change these scenarios. The moment you stop letting them take advantage of you and disrespecting you for all the years they have or maybe just recently, just know they will define you as the difficult one or the wrong one. Or the one who “only calls when they need something”..... you are the selfish one? No it’s called boundaries because when you stopped being the constant giver where did they go? What happened to the relationship? They will do anything to portray you in a negative light to serve their own peace of mind and to feel ok with the fact they operate down a one way street, their way or the highway. The villain plays the victim so well, but remember what is done in the dark always comes to light.
So continue to set boundaries like a mother because you are NOT responsible for how anyone responds to YOUR boundaries. Let them label you because I can say the ones that actually care for you will know the truth! If Family/Friendship relationships end because of your boundaries, it just confirms that relationship was in need of an exit because they only benefited from you having no boundaries at one point and how evident now that those boundaries were needed!”
Love yourself enough to create an environment in your life that is conducive to the NOURISHMENT of your personal growth. Love those who love you and the rest, set those boundaries and let those weed out the rest.
Now that you read my little short story, lets take a little deeper look into what these things we all can lack to have sometimes are. What are boundaries? Do you have them? Do you need them? We hear of them, but do you actually put them into play? Here is 10 Signs that you NEED Boundaries. Listen, having boundaries is the ULTIMATE form of SELF-CARE because when you choose to take care of yourself first, everything else gets easier. So what are some signs that you are lacking in the boundary department.
Lets list some evident ones:
You fail to speak up for yourself when you feel mistreated
You give away too much of your time
You agree when you actually feel like disagreeing
You feel guilting for dedicating time to yourself
You feel taken for granted by others
You have toxic relationships
You have chronic fear about what others think of you
You over-share details about you life
You constantly feel like the victim
You attract people who try to control or dominate you
So now that you have an idea as to what some signs are that you lack personal boundaries lets chat quick on what boundaries ARE and what they are NOT.
Boundaries ARE- saying what you're comfortable with, they are a way to protect yourself, they are different for everyone, and last but not least... they are HEALTHY to have!
Boundaries ARE NOT- a personal attack but may feel that way to those not wanting to respect your boundaries you are setting, they are not a suggestion, they are NOT something others can change, and definitely NOT something people can disrespect.
How can we make setting boundaries easier because in the beginning it most certainly can be tough and very uncomfortable if you are not use to setting them, but lets me real... you will not rid that uncomfortableness because there may always be someone trying to cross your boundaries and you HAVE to stand your ground. We can make it much easier on ourselves though by following simple, easier steps to keep our boundaries in check. Here's a few I find helpful:
Be CLEAR about what YOU want
Be DIRECT and don't apologize for your NEEDS
Expect resistance and DO NOT let it deter you. If you experience resistance from someone it is a 110% confirmation that the boundary was MUCH NEEDED.
Remember that setting boundaries is an on-going process and it may not always feel comfortable, but it is SO worth it!
Last, but not least set boundaries for YOUR OWN WELLBEING, not to control others.
Setting healthy boundaries shows Maturity and protects your energy tenfold! It reduces resentment because we don't make others responsible for our own happiness, boundaries will grow our healthy relationships in the RIGHT direction and weed out the WRONG relationships, and boundaries attract ABUNDANCE because you can know what YOU want and simple ask for it. Saying NO helps you get your time back and not feel guilty in doing so or doing less. Boundaries let others take care of themselves and YOU take care of YOU!! Sounds freeing right?! It sure is!!
Remember, a lack of boundaries will invite a lack of respect into your life. So when you start setting yours, however that may look for you just know that you are NOT responsible for the other person's reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are doing this for YOU.
Love to you all,