Updated: Mar 23, 2022
I’m currently a little over 9 Months Pregnant/37 Weeks along (only 16 days to go until our baby girls arrival) so it’s been a little while since I’ve shared a little update on this journey of ours. It’s been a ride! A beautiful one and also exhausting for my body, but we are SO EXCITED to meet her after all these months of her being in the growing/making! Just how the saying goes, "Pregnancy is the happiest reason ever for feeling like crap."
This pregnancy has definitely been a tough one on me and I haven’t gotten much relief from intense fatigue, extreme exhaustion, not much appetite, heart palpitations, you name it! Very low iron levels plus absorption issues due to my Celiac’s Disease has played into all of this, but I have to say despite it all I would do it over and over again to bring this sweet angel into the world!
I do/have had good days so when they come I take full advantage, but even on the tough days my kiddos keep me going, literally. I let myself rest when I can, but I also enjoy being active and doing fun things with my boys and them being 5 and 2 years old I’m not left with much downtime! They are On The Move! It’s a tough balance some days as I’m not one to sit for long even when I’m feeling rough, so one of the many things this pregnancy has taught me is to: Take A Break When Needed, no matter what is going on. Pushing yourself into a burnout is Not Cool or a Super Woman thing to do!
Our Daughters arrival is planned as long as she doesn’t come earlier and will be via Cesarean on May 24th 2021 as with my first son, Logan I was induced a month early due to me undergoing chemotherapy during my pregnancy with him (most of you know the background to this, if you don’t please read my Cancer Journey Blog Section as I won’t go into to detail with all of that) and we were in labor for 24 hours as I was trying to birth him naturally, but on that 24th hour things went south and he stopped tolerating the induction meds and I was rushed in for and emergency cesarean to keep him and myself safe. Our second son Mason was a scheduled Cesarean due to my history and a VBAC not being an option for me unfortunately. Then for our daughter, she will be our third Cesarean as there is no other option to get her out lol.
I have to say I’ve read SO much about Vaginal Births and Cesarean Births and how some people have these thoughts that a Cesarean isn’t “birthing” a child and I’m baffled! Where this ever came about that it’s the easy way out is beyond my complete understanding because I would do anything to not be laying on an operating table as my pelvic region is being cut open and you can hear and witness it all, but it’s how it went down for me, it’s how I gave birth to our babies going on (almost) 3 times now and it’s our beautiful, scary, and life changing birthing stories and how babies came into this world.
Good grief, whether you give birth in a tub, at home, with or without meds, in the Operating Room, or in the middle of the freaking woods, no matter WHAT you are a freaking BAD ASS! The way you have to do it, or if you’re fortunate enough to pick how you bring your child into this world and it goes As Planned, none of it discredits/adds to the fact that you are a STRONG, Bad Ass Mama for doing it Any Which Way!!!! It’s sad we have people in the world that try to bash other Mama’s if they had a different experience then the other. You Do You and Birth Your Babies through your Vagina if you can or a nice sized Cut in the Pelvic Region! Your body is BIRTHING whichever way! The rest Don’t Matter!
Anyway, that’s a topic I just wanted to touch on quickly because I see so many woman share stories like this and so many hurt woman as they feel robbed if they didn’t get to experience a vaginal delivery because others make a cesarean look like it’s foreign, it’s 2021 peeps- what is normal these days and who is the heck has the power to dictate that?! Definitely not your friend from down the street, the News, or a Social Media bully. I’m a almost third time C-Section Mama and I’m Damn Proud! My body has gotten through some tough shit and recovery from Cesareans is No Joke and I’m preparing for the third time around, but we Got This! Doing it Scared and all, I’m not gonna lie!
Our births of our children have had some hiccups and some NICU stays for both boys, me having Cancer during the first pregnancy, needless to say I straight up developed PTSD during this pregnancy and have worked SO HARD with my therapist and a specialist who specializes in PTSD to work through it and I must say though the anxiety is still there as who doesn’t have nerves before any type of delivery, I know how to manage it naturally and mindfully, but it has been far from easy. PTSD is something I’ve dealt with prior to pregnancy from childhood trauma so I recognized it as it crept in to this pregnancy and I reached out right away to get help with it, but it’s not that easy for some and I get that.
If I didn’t know to reach out I could of drowned in so many feelings/emotions and even when you seek out help it can trigger so much more and cause more things for you to have to work through so that can stop you in itself if you let it, but on the other side is a beautiful place to get to. I’ve learned So Much More about myself through this pregnancy that’s also helped me with my continued healing from childhood/early adulthood traumas from growing up around addiction/an unstable environment. Sometimes we go through things without evening knowing the impact it will have on us if we do the work to grow through it and not soak in it. It may feel easy to just soak in it sometimes as there’s a familiarity that traumas and anxiety can play in your mind, telling us that this is your normal and where you should be at/how you’ll always feel, but that’s far from the truth! I urge anyone battling any Mental Health Issue to reach out. Just take a small baby step in a different direction and let it lead you to a place where you can find a sense of peace and grace within yourself to live a better life.
I’d say from every angle we’ve had a lot going during these last 9 Months and I’m just giving you a quick snap shot of it as of course I wouldn’t ever be able to go into all the detail nor do I think it’s necessary to share every detail for that matter, but through it all there’s been So Much Good, while it’s also been a roller coaster of grieving still during some points for my husband and I with the loss of my husbands Mother a year ago this February. With her not being able to physically be here for the arrival of our daughter and to see her hold her, it is a pain I can’t even describe so I can only imagine how it feels inside my husbands heart, but knowing spiritually she is all around us helps us. Knowing she held this little angel before we were given her brings a peace to our hearts, but doesn’t take away the sadness of not having her hear to be apart of this.
With many moving parts and growing through some emotional times, all the while being surrounded with so many beautiful blessings and SO much to be grateful for, it’s hard to stay stuck anywhere “muddy” for long, meaning the Gratitude we hold for this beautiful life we created and been given is the motivator to keep us looking towards the sun so we cannot see just shadows. I know it sounds corny lol, but it’s so true! No matter what there is going to be shadows that come about in our lives. Times of darkness. Shadows that try to take us down and ones that try to weigh on our shoulders for the time being, but this I know is true, if you face it with a grateful heart- if you work through it and truly grow from it and grow with it- if you do it with pure intentions and grace- the sun will rise again even during the most painful of times, that sun may just look different, but it will rise and it will shine out all of the shadows you focus towards towards the light. Whatever that "light" may be for you.
Just remember, we may never be quite ready for something, but when you are brave, the universe listens to that. Do it scared, do it unsure, and know what higher power you have next to you during so. He will never forsaken you. Talk about a promise.
Love to you all,